最新的英文經(jīng)典幽默簡短的笑話摘抄

大風車考試網(wǎng)

英語幽默短笑話1.

Mike:Mum,I want to watch TV.

Mum:There is no electricity tonight.

Mike:Then let's watch TVwith a candie on.

邁克：媽媽，我想看電視。

媽媽：今晚停電了。

邁克：那我們就點著蠟燭看吧。

英語幽默短笑話2.

The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

"你能告訴我魚網(wǎng)是什么做的嗎，安?" 老師發(fā)問道。

"把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網(wǎng)了。" 小女孩回答道。

英語幽默短笑話3.

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。

“昨天給你的錢干什么了?”

“我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢?”

“她是個賣糖果的。”

英語幽默短笑話4.

I've Just Bitten My Tongue

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

我剛咬破自己的舌頭

“我們有毒嗎?”一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。

“是的，親愛的，”她回答說，“你問這個干什么?”

“因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭�！�

英語幽默短笑話5.

It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"

上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車。接近門口，一位肥胖的中年婦女從后面沖過來，沒想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳，仰面滑倒了。她的慣性使她接近了我的腳。我正準備扶她，她卻自己爬了起來。她鎮(zhèn)定了一下，對我擠了一下眉，說道：“總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎?”

英語幽默短笑話6.

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。

-- 他真是一個大人物。干什么的?

-- 墓地守墓人。

英語幽默短笑話7.

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行柜臺，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。

這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實在忍耐不住說：“相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的�！�

英語幽默短笑話8.

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my Pcious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

布朗夫人：哦，親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了!

史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊!

布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。”

英語幽默短笑話9.

?Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

-- 服務員，這個龍蝦只有一只爪。

-- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。

-- 哦，那給我那個打贏的吧。

英語幽默短笑話10.

A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."

這里想對將要退休者提一點忠告。如果你只有65歲的話，

千萬別進退休社區(qū)。因為那里人人都七八十歲或者八九十歲了。每當要搬東西，抬東西或者裝東西時，他們就叫喊，“讓小的干吧�！�